The Great Server War
The Great Server War refers to the made-up war between the Uniturd States of Ericka-Platonia, RBNR and later on the Polar Wartime Commitee. It started on February 5th, 2019 and ended on April 28th of the same year. Background RBNR is a Discord server originally made for Team Fortress 2 forum regulars, although now a small amount of the old and new members check the forums. Ushanka and PlatinumBass are both current members of said server. On February 5th, Shem, one of Ushanka's friends, was "murdered" (told to move to the shitposting channel, to which Shem replied by changing his name to "dead..") by one Canadian staff member from RBNR, thus sparking the war, similar to the assassination of Franz Ferdinand starting World War I. Beginning Military personnel from the Uniturd States Army were silently deployed on the northeastern edge of the Province of Quebec, and made their way through the woods to reach the city. However, due to the "Crazy Crap Alliance" treaty signed at an unspecified date of January 2019 by the Uniturd States and Platonia, PlatinumBass stated that he "shall join the war when U.S.E. are attacked or when the Lounge is attacked, whichever happens first.", and sent about 100,000 Platonian troops to both Quebec and British Columbia. Shortly after the official statement, RBNR fast-movers started their bombing runs in Turdistan, prompting PlatinumBass to send 50,000 troops to the Turdistan-Turdmenistan border. Hours later, Foster Kia was elected as Head of Platonian Defense. On February 6th, the Platonian LOLSAT was turned on for daily war updates about Canada. Canada, however, allied with Russia, and Platonian camps on the western provinces were overwhelmed, resulting in heavy casualties for the Platonians. On February 8th, Turd forces arrived to the city of Quebec, and Major Siemens gave the order for the full-scale attack to begin. "Play me some of that jumpin' music". Turd paratroopers flew in with U.S.E. Navy C-130s, and descended into the city. The next day, a group of Turd forces successfully took over the Chateau Frontenac, establishing it as a "hub" for U.S.E. and Platonian footunits. Multiple recon teams from the Platonian Army noted vehicles with Chinese and Vietnamese insignia on their way to Quebec. While all this was happening, RBNR sent one of their best spies, Bob Blob, into the Turdistan NPP. Using a disguise kit he bought from a shady Frenchman on eBay, he snuck into the control room, where only an engineer only known as Turdinger was sitting, listening to "Sicko Mode" for the 72nd time that day. As he had AirPods on, he could not hear the RBNR spy, who quickly pulled out a butterfly knife, also bought on eBay, and stabbed Turdinger in the back, killing him instantly. Blob made his way out of the NPP safely, and half an hour later, a reactor meltdown occured. The part where things go south real fast The Canadian Prime Minister, on national television, announced that they would attack France, with the help of their Russian allies, as part of their plan to invade every French-speaking country in the world, so that they would be the only French-speaking country left. What? On February 10th, VTD Industries activated the VTD 6.0 Intelligence System for the U.S.E. government. The VTD 6.0 included an advanced satellite imaging system, UAV Drones, and so on. The first action performed with the VTD 6.0 was tracking RBNR presence in Paris. It was bad. Real bad! France and its surroundings sustained heavy damage during the invasion, numerous landmarks being either severely damaged or completely destroyed. One such landmark was the Eiffel Tower, with its lower frame ruined by enemy artillery. An Osprey landed by what was left of the Champs-Élysées, and COOL AND EPIC RETURD yoinked into the Élysée Palace, where he discussed with the French President, Macron & Cheese about the dire situation in Paris and surrounding cities. Macron said "Mmmm, oui." and ordered the National Gendarmerie and GIGN to assist the foreigners in any way possible, to reclaim the city. Although reluctant to support their oppressors at first, the "Merde Jaune" protestors eventually joined the fight to protect their homeland. Late at night, a joint attack from Chinese and Vietnamese RBNR, using the "UWU-X3" array, the vulnerable VTD 6.0 went offline. A side effect of this attack, however, was that most of eastern Canada was left in the dark too (somehow), giving the Platonian and Turd invaders a great advantage over the enemy. On the evening of February 11th, VTD 6.0 came back online. Just in time too, as a GIGN Sergeant was attempting to communicate with the Turd intelligence officers. Sergeant Deux-Pénis witnessed the collapse of the Eiffel Tower, shot down by heavy enemy fire, the Seine River being its resting place. Oh no! Not to worry though, the mythical orange being known as Shem later "reverted the Eiffel Tower to an earlier version", so it was restored to its pre-war state. Yay! Michi gathered the support of the Jordanian government, who lended a small number of their soldiers for the Turdistan-Turdmenistan border defense. Platonian demolition teams took down the CN Tower back in Toronto. Woah. That's amazing! Yeaaaaahhh!!! Yeah. This is the part where things get slightly worse The outposts in Canada were slowly getting wiped out by Russian troops. Man, there's Russians everywhere, don't you think? The troopers at the camps just weren't enough to fight against the Russians. They needed support, so Foster suggested getting help from the United States, but to actually get them to help one would need oil. Returd gave the President a bottle of olive oil. It convinced them. Wow. The United Nations sent peacemakers to Haiti to fend off the invading troops, yay. Then, VTD 6.0 went down. K.O.'d. Out cold. Oh no! LOLSAT was down too! Oh crap! Platoon 18 in Nunavut, back in Canada, spotted multiple facilities with "Polar Udvalg Krigstid" written on them, roughly translating to "Polar Wartime Commitee". They also saw atleast three nuclear warheads in the depths of the facility before quite conveniently going quiet, hmm... It was clear these PWC folks meant business. So with the help of the Finnish Army, the Platonians infiltrated a PWC complex in southern Greenland, where they found three more nukes! Oh crap! The next day, General Dick Johnson of the Uniturd States STRATCOM received authorization to blow up the Kremlin! But why? How? ...Why? The answer: ICBM. Unfortunately, Returd got the wrong coordinates, and destroyed St. Basil's Cathedral instead. Darn. On March 29th, the Platonian Army's "Evergreen" satellite was launched, to keep an eye on the Polar Wartime Commitee and their war efforts. Wowie. This is where things start getting better After extensive fighting at the PWC mountain complex, the Finnish Army and the Platonians neutralized the PWC's nuclear threat, yippie! But the PWC leader was still at large, and all they knew was that the mysterious leader went to RBNR territory in South America. The British MI6 collaborated in the effort to track them down, and so they did. The leader was hiding in Cuba. To be precise, in Havana. The Platonian forces began to pull out of Finland and Greenland, and headed for Germany. The plan was to enter Cuba rather unnoticed. German scientists invented a device called the "Chronosphere", able to teleport the Platonian units through time and space, and the Platonians would arrive to Cuba disguised as confused tourists. Meanwhile, the Turds boarded the "MS Paint" ship at the Florida Keys. They had piña coladas, what a cruise! By the 24th of April, most Platonians in Finland had pulled out in order to fly to the Chronosphere. They really liked the chilly Finnish wind, and wanted to stay. Oh, those poor little breads. Saying farewell had never been so tough for them. They arrived to Cuba after about 20 days, where they met up with the Platonians, and all of them moved to the Palacio de La Revolución, where they believed the PWC Leader was hiding. This is it. The whole enchilada! Turds from the 1st SOG of the Uniturd States Army and sentient, puffy white bread soldiers explore the palace, searching for the man behind all this wumbo-jumbo. Inside a dark room believed to a conference room, the soldiers found none other than the brother of this unknown leader. He knew what they were there for, so he went straight to the point. "Down the hall, and to the left", he said. There he was. Right before them stood the most dangerous Greenlandic man ever. There, before them, stood NONE OTHER THAN- Before this dramatic sentence could be finished, the Chinese activated their "X1-J1-N" censorship beam! -There before them, stood NONE OTHER THAN MR. T! Haha. Get it? Ushanka calls the guy that was meant to be the PWC Leader "Mr. T", so instead of being that guy, it's Mr. T from the A-Team! Haha. Haaaaa... Edit Nov. 24th 2019: This is a little awkward now that we're all in good relations with Toomyx, or Mr. T as we called him. Yeah, it really is awkward. But whatever, what's done is done, here you have Mr. T from the A-Team. Back to the story! Mr T. pounced on the squad sent to take him down, and tenderized them, save for one brave little bread. The little bread, with hopes of avenging his fallen mates and their cities, regained his strength and flew right at Mr. T's face! BAM! MR. T WENT DOWN! The unidentified Platonian grabbed a radio from one of his fallen squadmates, and announced that Mr. T was no more. The war was over. Now back at the Florida Keys, on the MS Paint, they celebrated their victory with the top generals; PlatinumBass, Ushanka, Dick Johnson, it was a real banger! The world was safe once again! Gallery WORLDMAP-2502.png|Map. Just a map. drphilbo.png|The late 113th President of the Uniturd States, Phil McGraw, pictured signing the Declaration of War on RBNR. February 5th, 2019. wee.png|The first Turd forces arriving to the woodlands surrounding Quebec. francecamera.png|Earliest known iteration of VTD, VTD 6.0, during the RBNR invasion in France. haitititty.png|UN peacekeeper in Haiti. gigntran5.png|The Eiffel Tower, after being shot down by RBNR artillery. nuke5.png|The ICBM on its way to Russia. finn.png|One of the Finnish Army soldiers that helped the Platonians in Greenland. Cool guy! sosad,,,.png|Platonian C-130 Hercules taking off at the Halli military airport in Finland. chronosphere.png|Platonian troops line up at the Chronosphere in Germany. niggahead.png|The captain of the MS Paint. newvtd.png|The updated VTD, VTD 7.0, shown during the final days of the war. pg.png|The UN assembly in Berlin that ended the war! Yay! mrtdead.png|Mr. T's funeral cortege. Category:Event Category:Miscellaneous